Ignoring a man based on false projections often has drastic results. Heres what to do: write down the three strongest emotions you feel about your boyfriends lack of effort in your relationship. I love him so so much and I LOVE spending time with him. Ironic the 6th year anniversary I spoke of then is on Monday and we were supposed to be celebrating by going to the place we went on our first date tomorrow, instead, because they arent open on Mondays. When I asked for a picture of his siblings and friends, he refused again saying they are private people and doesnt have to do with our relationship. His family are complicated, we rushed into our relationship, live together almost 5 years. Theres also a clear risk that hell, again, show you exactly how much he cares about you by not fighting for you. All you can do is give him space to love you the way he wants. I would break up and then we would make up. I give it some days to really think what I wanted to do and I decided I wanted to work it out so I talked to him and expressed how I felt and ask what made him want to do this. At the start of our relationship he really put the effort in to impress me and win me over but now he does nothing. He is a very patient and calm person. We just dont talk the same way that we used to. I just lack security in myself that I need to fill. Thats not enough for any relationship! Not just his X But his friends to and the kids. Damn this just made me cry because this is exactly what Im going through rn. The last 3 sentences are what I just told myself & did! Seriously WTF? "It was hard taking the constant rejection." Every weekend is now him doing chores, cleaning, going to the dry cleaners and food store at 8am and by the early afternoon the incessant yawning starts. Its about dealing with regret, coping with guilt, and healing shame. I dont want to talk about marriage or kids or the future. I feel you. he said its his karma for leaving me behind. Please advice and apologize for the long narration. Create your own personal world girl. Dont forget, you deserve affection, effort, and communication. Thanks for your confidence in a random stranger. Me and him didnt talk much because my mom found out more about my bf and i also couldnt sneak ipads anymore. time and time again i have told him why i was upset, what he could do to make the situation better and everything in between, yet he still does nothing. I am not an emotionally stable person I take meds for anxiety and depression and have for years now. I have been with my boyfriend 15 years and yes he is still boyfriend no engagement no wedding haha. He always tells me that he loves me and always talks about the future seriously, but honestly it just feels like I just have to take his word for it. i just dump my 2mnths loveless relationship before it gets deeper. Or maybe your boyfriend is dealing with an ex-wife and custody issues, and just doesnt have the time or energy to make an effort in your relationship. Another thing is that my relationship with him heavily influenced my religion. any improvement? To never have to apologize to me, to never have compassion, to never find contentment, to never make up for hurting me, to never stop enjoying it. I waited though and suffered through almost being forced to move across the country when after he graduated and wanted a new job but couldnt find one- that was the only opportunity he had and was about to force me to uproot MY life, quit school, to go. Its hard to let go of someone you love, and its not that easy for me. Because then they they think they can control and manipulate us. Towards the end of September things exploded. I just now accidentally found this article and my rather lengthy comment. ANGRY ALL THE TIME. Im just about done with him. Maybe what you see as your boyfriends lack of effort is simply a normal part of being in a solid, comfortable relationship. Recently, and at a time where my mental state has been absolute crap and I really needed some comfort, we didnt see each other for about a month and a half. Ive been doing long distance for nearly 4 years now which hasnt been so good with COVID but honestly thats just an excuse, I think our relationship was still doing bad back then. fyi, he was at a party yesterday until 6am. Youre not alone my girl xxx, My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2yrs now, everything was all good until the beginning of 2019,he started to distance himself from me, one day I received a text message from a strange number asking me if I know my boyfriend and if we are dating, I was calm and honest when I answered the text, I went to whatsapp and checked the number out and I saw the photo, it was a lady texting me, I asked her who she was and she said she was just a friend to my guy and she noticed that lately my guy has been stressed and she thought it was a lady stressing her, thats why she snooped on his phone and got my number, all this time I remained calm, thee following day I decided to go to my boyfriend house without informing him, it was around 10pm, I met with the same lady their, my guy was not around, I got inside the house and the lady went straight to sit at the bed while I was sitting at the chair, I couldnt wait any longer I went home, I couldnt get in touch with the guy on phone, his phone was off, the following day this same lady called me at around 7pm telling me that my boyfriend is sick, I went to his house and I found the lady with my guy sitting on the bed very close, I was still calm I said hi and I sat on the chair, this lady excused herself and left me with my guy, I asked him who was the lady and he told me that his best friend was dating Herr so they are just good friends, we spoke and everything was good, the following day in the morning this lady text me and tells me why I came to break that guys heart, the guy told the lady that I had come to break up with him, that I told him I found another man, I never said anything like that, why was my guy lying? We used to go on dates once or twice a week. I think the common thread here is, we are attaching ourselves to emotionally unavailable men. I found the place, set up the lease. I keep trying to tell myself this is just a bad patch until I finish school and get a full-time job again- now that hes finally got a new job and should be happy. When he is sad I quit everything to cheer him up. Then I get a text at 10 pm! He is the problem. I dont think my boyfriend knows how to deal with someone like me. But he has never considered making me happy for once. Hi im kushi, 25yrs old.. My boyfriend and I have been in our relationship for 3yrs now.. but up to now he doesnt understand what im pointing out and still refuses to make even small efforts. We look for people to fill our emptiness and when they arent meeting the standards we become emotionally unstable. I asked him if he could pick me up some tea from the shop as I was unwell. I really think this will be a good thing for us because Ill be able to have my own independence and maybe make him see that I can be happy without him (even tho as of right now we are planning on staying together and commuting to each other when we can). I miss my best friend and I hate that it feels like maybe hes not missing me as much as I do. I tried discussing that with him, he told me if he was to mess up he would want someone to correct him. Whenever I go anywhere its just me and the kids! I get everyday but we go like 3 weeks to a month to once a month. Are you still in your relationship? Or stay here and break up. But I needed to know if he still wanted the relationship with me because he has been so distant. Thank you for what you said because not only do I relate to the emotional and psychological effects, I relate to the not wanting your house to look or smell like a GARBAGE CAN!!!! I didnt see him so I thought maybe he didnt want to show up. Afterwards hes been making the time but only when I remind him. You deserve better and it sounds line hes managing down your expectations. Ive been in same situation. He says he loves me but I dont see him actively showing his love. I love him so much but just dont understand why he doesnt care when I am upset. They just seems like some eords. God bless! Ive changed from an angry tone to a more assertive one but even if we sort them out, hed revert back to his old habits and ill start pointing fingers and he shuts it out again and eventually we stop talking about it altogether. But I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. We went on a trip. Dont let your wishes control your thoughts and feelings. We cuddled and played video games until 5 am and they took me home. So, I hate to call him my boyfriend because he is late 50s and I am 47. The truth is that there are a number of reasons that could cause your partner to check out emotionally. I said I didnt think I could be in a relationship with him anymore because I was tired of being the one always doing the work and making an effort. Thats the way to get a I dont care, because Im awesome kind of attitude. Hi! Stop yourself from bombarding him with messages. I think I should do alot of listening when we get back to talk again. No texting. Is that just how things are going to go? We havent been fighting everyday. Honestly this lockdown really changed my relationship! He is failing to realize that I am being affected too. He doesnt have any plans in those days and still he can not make an effort to spend that day with me, meanwhile I have 2 birthday parties and was ready to ditch them to spend time with him. I dont know if anyone has experienced this before? He doesnt make an effort to recognize and validate your feelings. I love him very much and I know that he loves me but deep down i often wonder how much i mean to him or if i mean much at all. Hopefully, these reasons will let you know the answer if you are wondering why did he stop talking to me. So any advice would be helpful. I dont want to push, I do want to give him space, but too much of that then leaves me feeling like I am not showing him my standards so then why should he value me. So my boyfriend and I will have been together for a year this november. He says sometimes he appreciates me but words mean nothing, actions do. And if you need help deciding what to do about a boyfriend who isnt making an effort in your relationship, you can share your story in the comments section below. He never makes an effort to pick me up or come over my house. second: (and here is the big thing!) I got so angry and disappointed after that. My boyfriend of three years got me a card. I dont know if he is afraid of fall in love, but he repeatedly went to silent non responsive, when I ask why, he always says he just been busy. Ive tried to initiate intimacy and have been rejected because hes tired. I have since ended the relationship as I feel it is a one way system with him taking and not giving. because of this i have been resentful and he became more distant as a result of that. The beginning of our relationship was heaven, as what most relationships are. Thats was our first time seeing each other in person (granted, Id seen him randomly beforehand in elementary school years before that). Let him go! Help me please I have no idea what to do. Easier said than done, I know, but you wont regret it. He has been going through a lot, with an unsupportive family, a broken ankle, financial troubles, depressionbut I have been steady and I have been supportiveI have loved him so well. It doesnt have to be a big, heavy relationship talk! But I guess it just shows how people handle stress. We had to fight a lot so I can see his friends pictures. In all reality if he is losing interest youll know in time. For the first time in my life,i met someone who truly loves me,he gives me everything i want,he goes out of his way to do anything for me,but because i have being in so many bad relationships,i find it hard to trust him,lately we were having so many issues,cos i couldnt trust him and thought he was cheating! Ask them, I feel like youre ignoring me. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and will be 4 years this August. He is so passive. he says he wants to break off because he is busy in his work and stuff. Need. I trust him but I just wish he would give me more time. Wow I can relate so much to this. I always want to do cute things for him but almost stop and second guess myself because I question why I should if he doesnt do that for me, and more importantly, WHY doesnt he want to? This guy is really bad for you, and you know it. Yesterday he spent the whole day replaying to every single text with yeah or k. When I have tried to speak about it again, he makes me feel as if its my fault, when he doesnt see his change in actions are making me stressed and anxious. Once I asked him for a selfie and he said no because he thought I only did it to prove something to people. I feel sad when I see these things and feel left unheard and unseen by my so-called partner. Hes really bad at texting and sometimes we dont really talk on the phone cause he said he was tired. We were really happy and things happended so good. I could have written that. He doesnt reply to you, so he doesnt deserve to know youre going to find someone else. and so the cycle repeats. Try not to get upset, irritated, or emotional. They may not come true. Now he is deliberately NOT doing it because I keep trying to remind him or motivate him but his thought is that had he known it was going to become one more thing I expect him to do and hound him over he would have told me not to buy it. I saw him once more and he taught me my first trick. We are the prize, we have to make them earn us. He tells me he is going to bed and we will talk about tomorrow. he nvr plan for any dates, nvr rlly want to try anything new w me. That being said, Ive grown up a lot in during our relationship which is my first and it means a lot to me and i will definitely regret our breakup. Im 47, and he is 57 now, and we have been together for 10 years now and have lived together for 8 years. Especially for someone like me who is lonely all the time. I dont know what to do. I sacrifice so much for him & he doesnt even show it. On the other hand, if your man is more independent and hes not used I was still jus tholding it together because at least I have my boyfriend who will care for me for once instead of me constantly caring for others needs! If you havent been dating long or if your relationship is less than a year old you may not know your boyfriend well enough to determine why he stopped making an effort. Its been almost two years and weve been inseparable ever since but lately it seems like something has changed. I so desperately want a date once in a while wether its once a month so we can enjoy each other and so i can feel like hes doing something special with me AND so i wont go crazy spending every moment in the HOUSE. Now he doesnt do any of those, and I miss how it was before. I couldnt reciprocate kisses or hugs. He should be making an effort to see u, call u , and text you throughout the day. We fight a lot almost every week because my needs are not met. Now, anytime I ask him to do laundry he throws a temper tantrum like a toddler, banging shit around, and still doesnt do the simple task I asked him to do. what is the project you have to work on together . You figure youll be happier not wanting anything from anyone. 58 here and it was us as the major priority for 3 solid yrs.. and now in our 4th yr. it has changed. But the good things about that is, by then you honestly love and care about yourself much more than you do love him. Besides, if hes almost 60, he might be a little old for you. Hes shows effort but due to my insecurities I overthink when I stop seeing the efforts and assume the worst. He may be afraid to show sensitivity, make sure to let him know that its okay for him to cry. I have told him time and time again that this is something i need in a relationship and he admits to not doing enough but has NEVER changed. He works a lot sometimes so I understand he is tired, but he always wants me to come over his house. That will show me he doesnt plan on committing for the long haul. Im a mum of one and I feel if we move in he will leave it all to me. I am insecure and scared because all my past relationships,Ive been either cheated on or dumped. Also, Ive been having a lot of cheating dreams but Im assuming its because he doesnt make me feel secure in the relationship because of the change. I asked if he still has resentment but he said he doesnt. Men go through depression, hurt and sorrow just like us women do. it took me years before I finally moved on. And im an amazing girlfriend. Several, if not most of my friends live together with their partner and it is something I wish to do too. He leaves his laundry pile up on the floor, towels, dirty dishes. I decided to swipe right to see who he was. Insulting me, asking me if I wrote in my little journal for today that my goal is to stop asking him for stuff?? Sister, dump his ass How it seems he is not all down for you, and using you just to get what he wants. My brother did tell me that he may be going through some things in his personal life that he is not ready to share with me. I told him I loved him and the only reason why I would ever leave him is if he cheated on me. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months already and up until this day, he is literally showing no effort in our relationship. I am tired of him not making a plan and his sudden switch in personalities. Its insane. Its too much. He definetly isnt prioritizing me. I didnt really understand why he said that when I been there since day one and still been here but I wanted to also considered how he felt and change that. Once in a while, I managed to do something to please him. I just want to have a nice time, an interesting conversation. Do you want to stay with your boyfriend, just the way he is right now? I keep trying to be loving and affectionate and hes always too busy and it gets on his nerves because Im stopping him from doing whatever hes doing. I hope things get better. Hurt Feelings. Your email address will not be published. Today I found out that hes planning a trip to Rhode Island to hang out with his cohort in May and has even already booked the hotel yet hes not said a word to me. please give me an advice. I dont expect a perfect relationship but I guess he does. for example, yesterday, he gave me a box of chocolates only because his mom made him and i usually have to make the first moves, even if its something simple as reaching out to hold hands. I am depressed as well and yet my partner is on top of my prioroty list. Instead of wishing things were different, practice accepting the fact that you cant change your boyfriend or make him want to spend time with you. I would wait it out just a bit, though, because hes probably dealing with a lot right now. I realised hes never going to change, no matter how many times Ive brought it up. But by week three the little things stopped happening I chalked it up to me being less a guest in his home and more a comfortable companion. When your message doesnt have a question mark in it, he might not realize that youre waiting for a reply. he is such a mystery. I love this guy so much but I dont know what else to do, I dont want to live without him we have gotten so serious pretty fast. I then left home and came back a later day. He has broken up with me three times this year and he never asked for forgiveness. By lack of effort I mean that its almost like pulling teeth to get him to plan weeks ahead to figure out when we will be able to see eachother. The one time I did ask him to pick me up at the train, he forgot. He lost his dad, my nana nearly died and now needs constant care then her partner died and now this lockdown. Im going to be a junior in a few months and hell be a freshman in college. The same month, I started my PhD program but I still made the time to see him. I dont get any attention unless Im the first one to initiate things. I was in so much pain and he couldnt even come to check on me. Then, all of the sudden the bottom drops out and he is unresponsive. So i moved out and got my own place and we continued dating. He wanted to hang out everyday which at first I though was strange but I started to so after while it was weird for both of us to not be around each other every day. I love drinking with him and having a laugh but he doesnt seem to feel the same. Honestly, I cant feel good about myself because I gave an attention hungry narcissist permission to treat me like crap for 7 years. I ask him what was his intention of saying it and give him the space to nagivate the answer by himself. I have huge expectations but Ive accepted that hes not the guy that throw big surprises and continue to fear that the more I lower my expectations, the more he thinks im willing to settle for less even after his military is over. Any advice is well appreciated. Im starting to think he doesnt want to marry me. Even seemingly harmless criticism and patronizing comments, too, can take a toll. He says he loves me but he just doesnt act like it. For within us we can make changes we want the rest will come. Although weve talked about it many times and although I told him I wanted to go out once a month, he doesnt initiate. The problem is, everyone around me has boyfriends that are going the extra mile to make sure their girlfriends feel loved at this time. I have tried to express my feelings over and over, but I still get nothing. As stated above, knowing what your boyfriend is going through (ex trauma, personal grief, work load) is important and all, but also knowing how you would act if you were in a similar situation gives you answers and peace. Also i didnt know if i could put this but yes I did give myself to him and it was my first time part of me regrets it and part of me doesnt but I promise it was legal but yeah. Theres little to no effort. i would say hes a selfish person because all he cares is himself. Hi. He has motivation and spends money on doing that but what about me lol, he puts no effort into our relationship. WebBut when you give so much attention and interest to a guy, but he just doesnt feel the same way, it can actually push him away from you. I love him to death, and I know he loves me. Also he NEVER wants to have sex so that concerns me too. Never happened. (he was asked from her what are u doing, when she replied studying, he texted shall i come to study with u, and she replied there are my friends at my room, and he replied its k.no matter i ll come) But anyway after i saw it i lost my trust on him. When were on nights out and theres drink involved, he has a habit of literally disappearing for the whole day (with other people he knows that arent in my circle) and he doesnt contact me, when I try to contact him he usually does answer but after talking to him I never see any sign of him. And acts like a concerned boyfriend if I dont immediately respond. Nothing cleaned up, ingredients still on the counter, and not one thing made for me to eat.. and even better, after letting me in the door, not a how was work. Sometimes he will notice mistakes I make on the work but not notice how much I need his affection. Please advice me on this. I did not even have to think about going this is what people do for each other. In the past few months that has changed and hes gotten better. I cut out all those smiley-faced emoticons he avoided and texted one-word answers sometimes, just like he would. Around the 5th month, he asked me to be his girlfriend but then he quickly retracted it after realizing how serious we were about to be. I tried to talk to him about it multiple times, every time he would apologize and say he would be better, but he always fell back in the same routine. You need to allow yourself to do something else. But what?! Especially since he cant even deliver the bare minimum in this relationship. Is he back with me to punish me or hes still holding back because of the break up and I just need to wait? But still hes everything I want and need. He texts me that his out with his friends and hes drunk. I am not sure what to think or how to react, I really like him and he is a good respectable person. Please take some money you get from promotion and go to Counseling to help you. We were together 8 months. Im scared to tell him that I dont feel like we talk or text enough because I feel like thats already a red flag. I started skate boarding and going to the skate park. I have no friends no interest in men, I cant even stand it when strangers try to talk to me. WebHe came up to me and brought me free drinks again. im going through the same thing my boyfriend will not text me nor will he call me when i text him again he reply and said his mother getting on his nerve he goes to her house to take care of her he said he been going through alot with his mom very upset but my thing is what about me where do i fit into your life i dont even know if were still in a relationship my daughter say dont text or call him we been together over a year hes 52 im 55 what should i do im lost, Ive been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. Since Christmas hes stopped seeing as much, no nice texts, less phone calls he says its not me & its because hes busy with work but even now on a Friday night hes at his place & im at mine. Did his feelings change? I have tried these and it really made me respect and love myself way more than I used to do over past. We have complete separate paths in store and we have absolutely nothing in common and we also live together but we barely see each other so you would think that when we do have time for one another he would enjoy the time he has with me but it doesnt feel like that. This sounds like a mentally and abusive situation. If every word out of your mouth is an insult, a critique, or disparaging remark, But have to understand yourself mentality first because if not you will lose yourself in the process. yes I did give myself to him.he was my first.. and it was the second time I snuck out but I did everything for him and I get ignored. He tells me I could come over to his familys Thanksgiving, but only after everyone has left and only for leftovers (aka forgo my Thanksgiving dinner with my family and eat reheated sides). He talks about himself so much but never asks about me. We have so much in common, yet not at the same time. Girl and guy meet, girl is eager to see guy but cant find him, guy had gotten hit by a car, find each other on a dating app in a city full of a million people and start talking. He pays alawys though i offer to pay but he refuses. I tried to explain this to him. Girl what? (Probably why she fell in love with another man) now its like he is determined for me to not become selfish. Then he texted me to see how I was doing. Since me and my son have been here, which is almost a year, my boyfriend has initiated sex ONE TIME, taken me out somewhere other than the GROCERY STORE, ZERO TIMES, wether its out to dinner, out for drinks, or ANYTHING. I was so happy I found him. We have been together for almost a year. his excuse of not having quality time? I am very fortunate to be free from that. I asked about the plan we made and he didnt answer he started to be mean to me and not talk and then he hung up on me after saying he wasnt gonna go to hoco with me or prom and that he didnt love me. He never posts about me. i know i should understand his busy schedule. If hes not at work, hes in his reclyner n thats where he stays n doesnt get up unless he has to pee. kissing, hugging, sex, cuddling, EVERYTHING! NO PHONE CALL. (this actually backfired) and caused huge tension and we nearly broke up several times, but when i tried to give him more space to understand his situation, my worst fears came true because we started talking less and less. I always drive to his and he never makes an effort to go to me. Do you have an suggestions on what I should do? I go to his house on Sundays and help with his kids. I understand exactly where youre coming from. Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, i love him and I know he loves me back but, my biggest insecurity is him changing and being lazy in the relationship, which I have noticed he has been doing lately.

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